(Not completely unrealistic, considering I just realized I've had this Livejournal for nearly a decade. Good job still existing, Livejournal!)
By 30, you should have ...
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you've come. Check.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. The furniture my family is saving for me is nicer than anything I'll be able to afford to buy for years, so pass.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. Cat smock?
4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you're not ashamed to be seen carrying. CAMO UMBRELLA IS NEVER EMBARRASSING.
5. A youth you're content to move beyond. Check.
6. A past juicy enough that you're looking forward to retelling it in your old age. Double-check.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it. What is full-time employment?
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you. Check.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. Check.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. Check. I have the very best in friends.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. Missing the cordless drill.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. I think the most expensive thing I've ever bought myself was some jeans.
13. The belief that you deserve it. Working on that because they're JEANS.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30. A work in progress on the fitness thing. Thanks, eternal thesis!
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better. Ahahahahahaa.
By 30, you should know ...
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. That's a lesson I'm grateful I don't have to learn twice.
2. How you feel about having kids. No thank you. Mastiffs don't go to college.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. These are very situation-specific things; sometimes no matter what you do, the other party is insane.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away. Getting better at this.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn't like to happen next. Uhm, how do you suggest that, Glamour?
6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town. 1. Hilary 2. I only know the name of the one I knew: Maude. 3. Hahahaha being able to afford clothes that need tailoring ahahaha
7. How to live alone, even if you don't like to. Check. I fucking love it.
8. Where to go -- be it your best friend's kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing. Locations vary.
9. That you can't change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents. Dear god, don't I know it.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over. At peace with the past, living the present, and looking forward to the future.
11. What you would and wouldn't do for money or love. Murder?
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long. I will floss when they remove this permanent retainer.
13. Who you can trust, who you can't, and why you shouldn't take it personally. My family has been a very consistent teacher of these lessons.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn't your fault. I'M SORRY GLAMOUR.
15. Why they say life begins at 30. This, I suppose, I'll just have to find out when I get there.
Love from a Sarah