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Happiness (is not a fish that you can catch)

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To Re-evaluate in three and a half years. Apr. 26th, 2012 @ 04:07 pm
This is a list from an old issue of Glamour that I just found in The Huffington Post (because that's REAL journalism!) and I thought I'd record my responses to this now and maybe revisit this in a few short years when I'm thirty. 2015, it is not so far away.

(Not completely unrealistic, considering I just realized I've had this Livejournal for nearly a decade. Good job still existing, Livejournal!)

By 30, you should have ...

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you've come. Check.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. The furniture my family is saving for me is nicer than anything I'll be able to afford to buy for years, so pass.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. Cat smock?

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you're not ashamed to be seen carrying. CAMO UMBRELLA IS NEVER EMBARRASSING.

5. A youth you're content to move beyond. Check.

6. A past juicy enough that you're looking forward to retelling it in your old age. Double-check.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it. What is full-time employment?

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you. Check.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. Check.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. Check. I have the very best in friends.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. Missing the cordless drill.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. I think the most expensive thing I've ever bought myself was some jeans.

13. The belief that you deserve it. Working on that because they're JEANS.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30. A work in progress on the fitness thing. Thanks, eternal thesis!

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better. Ahahahahahaa.

By 30, you should know ...

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. That's a lesson I'm grateful I don't have to learn twice.

2. How you feel about having kids. No thank you. Mastiffs don't go to college.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. These are very situation-specific things; sometimes no matter what you do, the other party is insane.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away. Getting better at this.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn't like to happen next. Uhm, how do you suggest that, Glamour?

6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town. 1. Hilary 2. I only know the name of the one I knew: Maude. 3. Hahahaha being able to afford clothes that need tailoring ahahaha

7. How to live alone, even if you don't like to. Check. I fucking love it.

8. Where to go -- be it your best friend's kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing. Locations vary.

9. That you can't change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents. Dear god, don't I know it.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over. At peace with the past, living the present, and looking forward to the future.

11. What you would and wouldn't do for money or love. Murder?

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long. I will floss when they remove this permanent retainer.

13. Who you can trust, who you can't, and why you shouldn't take it personally. My family has been a very consistent teacher of these lessons.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn't your fault. I'M SORRY GLAMOUR.

15. Why they say life begins at 30. This, I suppose, I'll just have to find out when I get there.

Love from a Sarah

Perspective. Apr. 23rd, 2012 @ 10:48 pm
“Consider again that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar”, every “supreme leader”, every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there - on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.”
— Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot

A balanced diet is a (package of) cookie(s) in each hand Apr. 19th, 2012 @ 08:54 pm
Feeling ridiculous lately because I've got a fridge full of organic, local veggies and eggs but it's never what I "want" to eat and so much of the world does not have that luxury.

In related news, my aunt sent me a giant box of fancy cookies as thesis revision motivation and I have eaten four of them today because a girl has got to get ready for bikini season somehow.

I've brewed a whole pot of tea LET'S DO THIS AMERICA. A triple-feature of Vampire Diaries awaits you in May.

Love from a Sarah

TVD Mar. 30th, 2012 @ 01:12 am

Thankful for wine & the ridiculousness that is vampire diaries.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


I may have to buy one of the tiny cupcakes for breakfast. Mar. 28th, 2012 @ 10:12 pm
Last night I wrote by hand in a neat little journal my friend Sam got me for Christmukkah. She's moving to LA soon for grad school and I will miss her. Everyone leaves Austin sooner or later, it seems. The important part of that was the writing by hand, though. I need to do that more often. And maybe also get a ribbon for the ancient typewriter (I think it was my great-grandfathers? Or maybe just grandpa's) that mom gave me because writing on more different things should ultimately mean more writing.

Also needs: more walks, more reading of books, more art-ing. Sketching, painting, finishing those disco creatures I've been holding onto for ages but tell myself I never have time to work on. I think I should take the longhorn I'm making for my parents out to their new house over Easter. It will be easier on the big wraparound porch to paint and glue than it would be inside my apartment with the cats trying to eat and play with every bead I'll be gluing on.

Currently I am sitting with a full belly in one of my favorite coffee shops, listening to my favorite piano album on my fancy headphones and stumbling very slowly through my work. I've taken to calling myself the George R.R. Martin of the thesis and quoting Confucius: "It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop." My childhood nickname was Molasses after all. (I find with dismay that more meals spent working in front of the computer has left me eating faster, however.)

I suppose I should get back to work since they'll be kicking me out of here in an hour and it's always usually hopeless once I get home to get anything done.


I don't know. Maybe I should start napping in the sun and/or get a hammock or something. Let's try some gratitude!

My happiest moment recently was Jasmine simply telling me what a good friend I am, last Friday. Not gushing in that way people do in the moment, just very matter-of-fact, in the way you do when you've thought about something but want to voice it firmly.

She came to see The Hunger Games with me for the midnight premiere and she lives so far down South and works up North, so I offered to let her spend the night. Her car battery died and I work from home on Fridays so I just told her to take mine to work and then we jumped hers and got a new battery in it before having happy hour on my porch with a bottle of wine.

I met her and her boyfriend Kyle on our graduation trip around Europe. I will always be so grateful to my past self for signing up for the trip on which I knew no one (the one girl from my sorority I only sort-of knew does not count) so that I made actual, life-long friends.

It was just a nice moment that reminded me of how we need to say these kinds of things to one another more often, because you never forget when someone very sincerely says them to you.
Current Music: Ludovico Einaudi- Una Mattina
Other entries
» Hello LJ my old friend
No longer doing much 'living' (more like hours trapped in a chair in front of a computer and feeling too guilty to leave it even for a short walk, not while the work is left undone-- and there's always more to do) and more hiding from my responsibilities, since Sunday afternoon. The guilt comes in swiftly.

Perhaps one of these days I'll unravel why exactly it is that I punish myself in sneaky hate spirals that will never lead to the perfection I tell myself I'm not seeking.

I have a good life, it's just that I'm always striving for it to be better, to hit some next milestone of adulthood after which I'll feel I've "really made it" as an adult. Like, y'know, having a real job- not two part-time ones and scant freelance work- and being able to pay my own taxes and then BOOM achieving self-actualization or some shit.

Instead I should be grateful that I have parents who are willing to support me in ways small and larger; who help keep me sane and healthy. I have so much more than so many do. I never go to bed hungry, and barring some unforeseen disaster, I probably never will. I can afford to live on my own and keep two small animals alive; fat even. I have more clothes than I can wear and some fun gadgets to play with and even the head of a large deceased steer living in my living room.

I need to go out and enjoy more. And unravel a lot of things I haven't admitted to myself are bothering me still. Those are the things that keep me from real human progress maybe, I don't know. I suppose I'll find out.

I suppose you will too, if you're reading.

Love from a Sarah

PS in the spirit of Nen, I am grateful for:
1. The weather means doors & windows open, happy cats & lower bills
2. The simple repair a hot shower can do
3. A job that while I may not love it, is teaching me many things in spite of itself
» Return of the Sparker

Thankful that I've been too busy living to write. Will *make* time this week.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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